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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077620">gouge away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomedickbro/pseuds/awesomedickbro'>awesomedickbro</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Reservoir Dogs (1992)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Fingering, Angst, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Handcuffs, M/M, Self Destructive Behaviour, Sex, brief mentions of violence, brief mentions of vomiting, freddys going through it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:48:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,519</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077620</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomedickbro/pseuds/awesomedickbro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>freddy is conflicted. larry helps.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mr. Orange/Mr. White (Reservoir Dogs)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>gouge away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i don’t like this that much but i spent too long on it just to throw it away so here you are. this ones kinda sad? but then not sad. i wrote this over a few days so its kinda inconsistent style/grammar wise</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">freddy felt nauseous most of the time nowadays, anxiety clinging to his back as soon as he opened his eyes, sometimes even before. he hid it well, from the guys, from holdaway, was able to hide it from himself if he gave himself a pep talk in the mirror.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">at first it was anxiety about getting found out, getting beaten and shot by the group, with blonde as a particularly prominent figure in the nightmares. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">then it became more personal, would imagine white cutting off his fingers, knee capping him, all the other fucked up shit this guy had probably done. he wanted to hate the guy, wanted to want him in prison, but he was a difficult person to hate. easy to fear, but very difficult to hate.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">his stomach did a backflip the first time he saw him in smokey pete’s, the hair standing up on the back of his neck when he saw his gaze fixed on him. it turned out he was the most charming, generous motherfucker he’d ever met, which made freddy want to die a little.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">when white put his hand on his thigh and gave him that scanning look in a bar a few days after meeting, freddy sorta shut down. if he had stayed properly alert, he wouldn’t gave put his hand over white’s and rested his chin on his shoulder like he had done.</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">he certainly wouldn’t have done it if he knew what he was getting in to. he had expected the usual wordless blowjob/handie combination in the bathroom; certainly no kissing and the less eye contact, the better. he had no reason to expect more, had no reason to </span> <span class="s3">want </span> <span class="s2">more from a hardened criminal.</span></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he got a lot more than that. he got kisses and whispers and softly stroking hands, a shared shower and a ride home when he declined the offer to stay the night. the second he got home, he threw up in his kitchen sink.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">the whole “giving” and “receiving” thing was misleading. though he was the bottom, freddy was definitely the one “giving”, letting white have everything he could give him, and white consumed it all.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">it only got worse after that. they kept fucking calling each other, late at night. the worst time was when freddy called up white all coy and suggestive like, white making the fifteen minute journey in eight.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">they made out against the wall, then put on a movie to have in the background. then freddy started yawning and white just told him to go to bed, that he’ll turn the tv off then drive home, with his dick still half hard.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy's hand disobeyed his mind and shot out to grab whites wrist as he got up to leave. “stay with me? i don’t wanna sleep alone” he had said against his better judgement. it was true that he didn’t want to sleep alone; he kept waking up in the night, but he certainly didn’t want to sleep next to a murderer that he was gonna help lock up. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">except of course he did, because white’s hands were rough but gentle and he smelt of musk and vanilla and that’s exactly what he wanted in bed with him. and white did stay, checking that freddy was fully under the covers and offering to get him a glass of water before he got in the bed next to him.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">if he hadn’t been so comfortable, freddy would have cried.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">this terrible, terrible routine continued. they would spend almost every night together, sometimes fucking, but usually just sleeping. if freddy ever did start awake in the night, he would have a broad chest against his back and a heavy arm over his waist, white sometimes waking up too and mumbling sweet words into his ear to make him melt back to sleep like butter.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy was plagued with the worst anxiety he had ever felt combined with the most soothing presence; feeling constantly uneasy but so so comfortable on the surface. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">after another night of just white sleeping in freddy's bed, freddy had gotten up, stretched and looked out the window. he was real glad he had called the cops off his house. he watched a ginger cat walk along a wall. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he just stood there, groggily staring out, absent mindedly clicking his jaw open and closed. he could hear white bustle around his room but he was still so tired it sounded like a noise from a million miles away. he heard him say “can i use your shower?” and replied with a “yeah, sure” that sounded equally distant to his ears.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he watched the cat jump from the wall to the sidewalk, and he felt a familiar body move behind him, not touching him, just standing there.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“watcha lookin’ at kid?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“a cat”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“hm”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy opened his mouth to say something about them always landing on their feet, but he felt a hand round the wrist dangling at his side and something cold. his brain was still a little foggy couldn’t figure out what it was instantly, but then there was a clicking noise and his arm got pulled behind his back gently and his blood ran cold.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">his fucking handcuffs.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he held his breath, nor daring to speak or move. not that he could think of anything to do, he was frozen to the spot.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“i saw these in your underwear drawer” the smooth voice said behind him</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">this was it. the kneecapping, the finger slicing, the burning, the whatever else white was capable of. freddy's eyes were still on the place where the cat had been, but it had walked off by now.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he felt something cold against the back of his neck, and fuck, it was the barrel of a 9mm wasn’t it? except is was way too small and the wrong shape and white was dragging in down the dent of his spine. it was the key. freddy swallowed, loud.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“it‘s a little rude of me to assume, but i’m guessing it’s usually you wearing these?” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy blinked at that. what does that mean? his brain was working faster than it ever had in his life. oh shit. he didn’t mean <em>that </em></span>
  <span class="s2">did he? he couldn’t. he was tricking him, playing with his food before he bit.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">a moment passed and freddy didn’t know what to do so he just slowly nodded, keeping his eyes on the sidewalk.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah, i thought you might be the type” and white fucking chuckled, while freddy was still figuring out if he was going to be a splatter of blood or not.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“these look like real cop ones, how’d you get ‘em?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy thought for a second that he had finally caught on, but his tone suggested he was asking a genuine question. he opened his mouth, letting out the breath he had been holding as quietly as he could. he shut it. then opened it, then croaked out the first thing that it made sense to say.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“i used to fuck a cop” he licked his lips “he musta left them here the last time he came over”. his mind went to his uniform, his gun holster, his badge, all his paperwork. the book of mugshots. he had hidden them all before white came over the first time, but he had come over about 10 times since then. could have seen them easily if he had snooped.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you used to fuck a cop?” and he was properly laughing now “did he know what you did?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah he knew” freddy said in a hallow voice, amazed that white hadn’t realised how much the back of his neck was sweating. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“fuckin’ cops. getting distracted from their jobs by some dick” and <em>ain’t that the truth</em>, freddy agreed in his head. he could feel himself swelling a little from the adrenaline.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you like it then? when he cuffed you?” and white had moved closer, just a little.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah. yeah it was good” and freddy imagined it, what he would tell him happened. he found himself saying, almost as it occurred to him, “it’s nice. you feel like you don’t even need to use your hands because he’s so good” and his face went red.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white chuckled again, shifting freddy's arm slightly behind him. “yeah? how would he do it? what would you do?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy tried picturing it, first a faceless guy in a beat cop uniform, then it transformed into white. “i’d suck him off with my hands behind my back” he said before he gave himself time to be ashamed for imagining it. “he’d cuff me to the headboard, fuck me with my hands above my head”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white stepped a little closer again, and he could feel his breath on the back of his neck. this was so fucked up. his arm was beginning to ache.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“that sounds like fun” and a long pause before, “you ever want to do that with me?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy made a small noise in the back of his throat and turned his head over his shoulder, looking at white properly for the first time that morning. his hair was a little messy. white moved in closer, trapping freddy’s arm between his own back and white’s stomach. he could feel his dick against his ass. he opened his mouth to answer, the “yes” already forming on his lips when the phone rang and he jumped out of his skin.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">they just blinked at each other for a few seconds; the bubble burst. white stepped back and let go of freddy's wrist. “you should probably get that” he said calmly.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy nodded but stayed standing where he was, the handcuffs dangling off his wrist. white turned to pick up his clothes off the bed and said “you answer the phone, i’ll take a shower” before walking to the bathroom, looking back at him one last time before he went in.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy walked dazed to the phone in his living room, legs feeling like jelly. he picked it up, the handcuffs clinking. fucking holdaway answered.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">when white got out of the shower, freddy was sitting on the edge of the bed. he raised his arm up wordlessly. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“ah” white said and pulled the keys out of his jeans pocket, leaning over freddy to unlock it. he dropped the cuffs to the bed and stroked a hand through freddy's hair.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“i gotta get goin’ man, that was a friend of mine, he needs me to come over”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“okay, i’ll get outta ya hair, i just gotta find my wallet”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“it’s on the kitchen counter”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“thanks. will i see you tonight?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy did a small nod and said “yeah, come over. i’ll call you”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“okay kid” and he ruffled his hair before he left the room to get his wallet from the kitchen. he went to the front door and called “i’ll see ya, yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah, you’ll see me” and white smiled before waving and walking out the door.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">once it clicked shut, freddy fell backwards onto the bed, breathing hard. he didn’t know whether to vomit or jerk off. he didn’t have time to do either though, because fucking holdaway wanted to meet in half an hour at a diner that was twenty minutes away.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you alright freddy? you look like you just shit your pants”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy did a hallow laugh, taking a sip of holdaway’s milkshake to distract him. it didn’t work; after he had slapped his wrist away and muttered that he had gotten too into character, that he was a real thief now, he looked at freddy concerned again.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“seriously what’s up? you got bad news for me?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“nah, nah, i’m fine, everything’s fine...i’m just hungover is all. had to meet them at a bar last night” freddy improvised, thankful that the shock had worn off enough to let him think fast.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“oh yeah? what was that like then? you talk about the plan there?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“no, it was just a social thing. making sure we get comfortable with each other” and freddy's stomach jolted when he thought about white making him pasta and stroking his hair while they watched tv last night.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you gettin’ to know ‘em well then? still no names?” and freddy shook his head, thinking about how white promised to tell him his name after the heist when he was kissing him in the shower, turning him to putty in his hands.</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">“i don’t know ‘em </span> <span class="s3">well. </span> <span class="s2">i understand their personalities a little, but still no details”</span></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you had no trouble with any of them? stayed on their good sides?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah, yeah, it’s all fine. we talk shit a little but we all get on”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“how’s your buddy been huh? what was that fucker’s code name?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy's mouth dried up, and he said “white” in the most normal tone he could muster.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah, yeah, mr. white” and holdaway chuckled “cool motherfuckin’ name. better than orange” and freddy laughed too, forced and trying hard to think of a way he could change the subject, but before he could-</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“so what’s this white fucker like then? he’s gonna be the one getting the diamonds right? he talk about his previous jobs at all?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“hm, a little” and freddy considered telling him about the fingers but decided not to. “it’s obvious he’s done it before, know exactly how it’s gonna go down”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“he don’t know about us turnin’ up yet though, huh?” holdaway laughed, freddy grimacing. “this guy’s someone we gotta keep an eye on, if he’s experienced and close with cabot. it’s unlikely cabot’s gonna do anything unpredictable; he’s business, but a guy like white could be dangerous” and holdaway leaned back in his seat, surveying freddy again. “you ever seen him act up? do anything unpredictable, lash out at someone?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy swallowed “nah, he’s uh, he’s real calm. he the guy that keeps everything under control. shuts down the guys when they get too roudy” and he paused, trying to think of a way to say what he really meant. “he’s real old school, a gentleman. he’ll uh, he’ll tip shitty waitresses and he’ll light your cigarette and he always notices what’s goin’ on with people. can read people real good” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“not too good, i hope” said holdaway, taking a sip from his milkshake.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah, let’s hope not” freddy muttered, biting the inside of his cheek. “man, i better get goin’, i gotta go to the store an’ i don’t wanna be away from the phone too long, incase eddie calls”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah alright man, just wanted to check in on you” and he gave him a rare warm smile “i know the jobs stressful man, i’ve been there, done that. it sucks. just stick it out for me and take care of yourself. you look tired”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy nodded, tried smiling back and couldn’t help but think that his undercover experience was going a little different to how holdaway’s went. they parted awkwardly, and freddy left to go to the corner store.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he didn’t end up buying anything he needed, he just walked around aimlessly looking at the food, feeling a little spark in his chest when he saw M&amp;Ms and doritos, because that’s what white would have in his motel waiting for him when he went round.</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">maybe this was his torture. instead of getting torched, he got the emotional pain of knowing that the nicest guy he’d ever met, the only guy that had ever let him stay over and eat his food and crawl on top of him when he needed to be held, the only guy he’d ever </span> <span class="s3">wanted</span> <span class="s2"> that from, was gonna go to jail on his account. </span></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy went home empty handed, knowing full well that all the food he had at home was spaghetti-os and salted peanuts. his apartment was too hot, like it always was. he moved around the place generally dissatisfied, not knowing what to do with himself. the anxiety always got worse when he was on his own, fuck, he should have stayed with holdaway. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">after watching three episodes of Dallas and half heartedly clearing away some of the junk on his table, he went to his bedroom for his sweatpants. hey, if he was gonna mope around feelin’ all conflicted, he might as well be comfortable.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he immediately saw the handcuffs on his bed where he left them, or rather white left them. he picked them up, they felt heavier than when you hold them to arrest someone. he wondered how white could tell they were police, then remembered that he’d probably been in handcuffs more times than freddy had put someone in them. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">his mind went back to that morning, how white had twisted his arm behind him and he didn’t once think to pull away, even when he thought he was gonna get shot. as if he couldn’t get any weirder. he was already a queer nerd cop about three inches shorter than he aughta be and with about twelve more action figures than he aughta have. now he was a pervert as well.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">maybe he had liked it because he secretly wanted white to hurt him, make him uncomfortable, so that it would be easy to hate him. he knew him too well now though. knew that white wouldn’t flick him on the ear. or maybe he liked it like he had said, the idea that you wouldn’t need your hands because you were with someone so generous and careful. now if that didn’t sound like white. could it be both? could you trust someone to hurt you how you want it? </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he wanted to be consumed in anyway that white wanted him. ew.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he resigned himself to eating his spaghetti-os and getting started on a report holdaway had asked him to write about the case. he kept glancing at his watch, like a kid waiting for class to end. the second he noticed it had past seven, he put away his paperwork (a lot more carefully than he had hid the handcuffs) and showered. he turned up the water as hot as he could stand and scrubbed his skin, trying to feel connected to the body he had felt distant from for the past few weeks.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">when his skin was pink and his feet hurt from standing, he got ready and went straight to the phone.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“hey kid” white answered before he even said a word.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“hey man”, his own voice sounding soft and foreign to him, used to sneering at people.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“i’ve been waiting by the phone the past twenty minutes waiting for you to call” and freddy saw that the time was 7:22pm. he was a creature of habit.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“well here i am” and he paused, straining his ears to listen to white’s breathing “i need you to come over, man”, which he almost whispered. white laughed through his nose.</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">“you <em>need</em></span> <span class="s2">me to come over? it an emergency?” white said in the softest, happiest voice freddy had ever heard. he shivered.</span></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“sure feels like it” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“then i’m on my way” and the phone clicked off, no more wasting time. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy paced as he waited, like he usually did. after he buzzed white in, he rested his forehead on the mirror, trying to steady himself. it worked until he heard a soft knock at the door and his heart jumped in his chest. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he opened the door, barely even looking at white when he stepped in, just hurriedly closed the door behind him before pushing him against it and kissing him hard.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white laughed and soothed his hands over freddy's face, kissing him back, trying to steady the pace. he flipped them, pushing freddy against the door instead, then worrying his hand over the back of his head. freddy didn’t realise he had slammed his head against the door until about 3 seconds after it had happened, too busy focussing on where white was pressed against him.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“slow down kiddo, i’m here. i’m here” white murmured into his mouth.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy had been accidentally holding his breath, letting it out in a shudder when white brushed his bangs out of his eyes.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“what was the emergency then?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“guess, asshole” and freddy squirmed and pushed against him, getting nothing more than a chuckle in response.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you said you needed me”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“i do. i do”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“whatcha need?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy broke the kiss and paused to look at his face, panting a little. white looked back at him, face serious. he swiped a thumb under freddy's eye. his eyes had been watering from where he hit his head, he had barely noticed.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“just want you to take me. take what you want. wanna give you everythin’”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“...are you okay kid?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“‘m good, just missed you today” and freddy internally cringed at his sentimental words, and to cover it up he surged forward to kiss white, missing slightly and only getting the side of his mouth. “please?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“just slow down. i’m here now. i’ll take care of you”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy's dick twitched at that because, fuck, that’s exactly what he needs right now. he didn’t allow himself to be embarrassed by how immature he was being right now, didn’t care that he was basically walking around with ‘daddy issues’ written on his forehead. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he sighed and his breathing slowed down a bit when white took his neck in his hands and rubbed his thumbs under his jaw. freddy pushed his hips forward, hands scrabbling at white’s back, jaw clenched, trying to communicate what he wanted. white seemed to get it.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“shall we go to the bed or do you wanna wait by the door for the mailman?” he teased. freddy grunted in frustration and pushed past him, grabbing his wrist and pulling him to his bed.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy started stripping quick, as white just stood in the doorway and watched, arms folded. he lay back on his bed, leaning on his elbows and jutted his chin. “come here” he said, but it sounded more like a whisper.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white kicked off his shoes and moved from the door, sitting on the edge of the bed next to freddy's stretched out body, and he put his wide hand over the space where his rib cage separated below his sternum. he should’ve been self conscious, being completely naked while white had only taken off his shoes, but he sorta liked it. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white’s hand slid down to rest in the hallow of freddy's hip, the proximity to his dick making him gulp. freddy watched with an open mouth as the hand moved down, holding the inside of his thigh. white rubbed there, looking at freddy's face, freddy determined to maintain eye contact and stay composed.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you gonna tell me what you <em>actually </em>want?” white said low, fingers still slowly rubbing the sensitive skin inside freddy's upper thigh. freddy moved his arm to search under his pillow, before wordlessly pulling out the handcuffs and tossing them down the bed. he fell onto his back and reached his arms up to hold the bars of his headboard, before lifting his head to look back at white. his expression was unreadable.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white slowly got fully up onto the bed, knees either side of freddy's hips, kneeling high above him. he stroked freddy's hair off his face, like he always did.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you wanna get fucked like this?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah. please.” and freddy shuffled back a little. white smiled and shook his head with amusement. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“okay kid”, making freddy take a big, shuddering breath. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he didn’t particularly like white calling him ‘kid’, especially when he was lying under him naked. however it was a lot better than ‘orange’. and at least it wasn’t ‘baby’ or ‘honey’ or ‘sweetheart’. he knew that if he got called something like that, he’d melt into a puddle on the bed and the stain would never come out. he considered for a half a second to just say ‘call me freddy’, but he was stupid, he wasn’t crazy. he could so easily find out white’s name, he just had to look through the mugshots. he couldn’t bring himself to do it though.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white picked up the cuffs, turning them over in his hands “you got the keys?” and freddy tilted his head to where they lay on the nightstand. white nodded again, chewing the inside of his lip slightly. he was waiting? or thinking? either way he wasn’t moving, just looking down at freddy, who was staring stubbornly back.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“i didn’t pressure you? this morning, i mean. do you actually want this?” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy licked his lips, almost banging his head back in frustration but managed to keep it cool. “i want this. i want this. you didn’t pressure me, you just... reminded me”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white just nodded again, and if it weren’t for the very subtle glint in his eye, you could have read him as bored. he very slowly, not once taking his eyes off freddy's face, leaned forward and clicked a cuff around one of his wrists. freddy did another small, shuddering breath and nodded in encouragement, before white looped them around the bar and secured the other wrist.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy let go of where he was holding and relaxed his arms, now just being held up by the chain around the bar. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">there was some sort of irony about him, white, handcuffs, metal bars, but he didn’t have time to put together a cohesive thought because white ran his hands down down freddys arms, the sensitive underside of his upper arms getting goosebumps. white held him firmly by the torso, his fingers almost fitting between his ribs, which were sticking out from the strange angle he was stretched in.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“they don’t hurt?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“no, they’re fine”, but added ‘<em>they will fuckin’ hurt’ </em>in his head.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white leaned down and kissed freddy again, more softly and methodically than before, like he was trying to say something to him. freddy didn’t know what that was, so he just kissed back, becoming more relaxed. if it wasn’t so nice, it would have been intimidating that white knew exactly how to turn him into a wet noodle underneath him.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white moved back as he kissed down, over the column of his throat, over his collar bones, over his nipples and his sternum and his ribs and his stomach and his- oh.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling as white licked a fat stripe over his cock, his hands holding his hips down. he saw him out of the corner of his eyes, getting the lube from the nightstand. freddy opened his legs wide so white could sit between them.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white pressed a wet fingertip to his hole, before pulling back again. freddy lifted his head and craned down at him. he was grinning.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you been playin’ with yourself waitin’ for me?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“in the shower”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white prodded two fingers now, almost crawling them in. freddy's head fell back again. his arms were already beginning to ache, but there’s no way he was gonna shift back away from the fingers he was clutching onto.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white took him back into his mouth as he slowly pushed down to his knuckles, humming, amused when his hips jumped. he bobbed his head as he pushed in and out, hunched over like he as praying. freddy tried very hard to focus on one sensation at a time, to not get overwhelmed. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">a third finger was added as white took him all the way in, his nose touching his pubes. freddy's legs twitched and his hands clasped around thin air. white pulled off and said, matter of factly, “i want you to cum like this first”, to which freddy just gave a wide eyed nod before he sunk back down. ‘<em>that shouldn’t be a problem at all</em>’ he thought.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white started twisting and curling his fingers as he lapped and sucked, and freddy wished he could watch this from a third person perspective, sitting on the chair he kept his dirty clothes on. he bent his legs and shifted his hips, then on an impulse, threw them over white’s shoulders, hooking his ankles together.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">the new angle was definitely taken advantage of, as white moved his mouth to lick at the stretched rim, sending a shiver over freddy's entire body, making his toes curl. the different frictions melted into one, no longer paying any mind to the ache in his shoulders.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">when white moved his mouth back to his tip, his hand still methodically fucking him, freddy tensed his thighs and hissed. he didn’t need to say what he was feeling, white instantly knew and sped up, his free hand gripping onto one of his thighs.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy had no intention of holding out, trying to last; he just let the feeling crash over him, shake him by the shoulders until his heels dug into whites back and he arched upwards, feeling like he could have crashed through the ceiling if it weren’t for the cold on his wrists and the warm between his legs.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white swallowed, and kept his mouth on him as he came down, fingers going still but still pressed into him. it wasn’t until the final pulse of an aftershock and an uncomfortable grunt from freddy that he removed himself, wiping his mouth on the back of his clean hand as he sat up, both panting. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy didn’t know what to say, just looked up at him, knowing he would be ready for whatever move white decided to make.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he just grinned- beamed- back down and started undoing his shirt, pulling it over his head once he had done about four buttons, then sliding to the end of the bed, back to freddy, as he undid his belt and started pulling everything down. freddy stretched his leg out so that his toes stroked white’s bare back.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white turned around and crawled up the bed, freddy taking the opportunity to move back a bit so his arms weren’t so stretched. his dick hadn’t been given the chance to get soft yet, and it twitched with anticipation when he saw white’s bobbing between his legs.</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">he leant over, arms braced at his sides, and kissed freddy again, mouth open and greedy, and it didn’t even occur to freddy that he was tasting his own cum on the tongue that was licking over his teeth. white moved an arm </span> <span class="s2">to bend up one of freddy's legs, and the hairs stood up on his arms at the feeling of his leg being moved after he had just been stretched by three strong fingers and a tongue.</span></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you still want it?” white muttered.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“absolutely”, his cock twitching, becoming aware of what was about to happen.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white sat back on his heels and spread some more lube over his dick, not being able to resist squeezing it a bit. freddy watched him move closer and lift his heavy legs around him. white held his dick, getting ready to push forward, then looked up and said “close your eyes”. freddy blinked a few times, then let his head fall back and his eyelids shut. was this what they did now then? he could suggest covering his eyes with a tie, but the only one he had was for his cop uniform. that would be risky, even for him.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he fully squeezed them closed when the head pushed in, feeling like all the air was pushed out of his lungs to make room. white fed it to him slowly, and it made his sides tingle at the intrusion. he pulled at the cuffs, not sure what he wanted to do with his hands, but he wanted to do something. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he bit his lip as the feeling kept coming, feeling like white was a lot longer and a lot thicker when he couldn’t see anything to distract him. he was fully pushed in, freddy could feel his pelvis sitting in his, the fit of them together almost perfect.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy did some deep breaths, which made his whole body shift, meaning getting used to the feeling was near impossible. white had a hand on his hip and a hand flat on his chest. he wondered if white could feel his pulse from the inside, because he could sure feel his. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he sneakily opened one eye, not looking for anything in particular, maybe just to check that the parts of white he couldn’t feel were still there. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white smiled and moved his hand from his chest to his face, covering his open eye. the movement made him shift inside him, and freddy clenched on instinct. white moved back, hands holding both his hips and rocked into him slightly, a tiny movement.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">it was enough to make freddy spread his legs wider and tilt his hips up. white understood the invitation perfectly, picking him up higher, then tightly gripping his hips as he slowly pulled out. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy kept his eyes determinedly closed, but they almost shot open when he quickly pushed back in. when white pulled out again, he tilted freddy's hips slightly, dragging over <em>that</em> spot as he went. freddy's held back a full body shudder, the ache at his wrists and the burning in his ass became very easy to ignore for a moment.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he pushed back in, more controlled, and freddy figured there definitely white marks where the fingers were digging into his hips. the rolling movements kept coming and going as white created a rhythm, and freddy could do nothing more than feel it and twitch against them.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he pulled his lips between his teeth, holding his breath as white slammed into him. every so often white would reposition his hands on his hips, and the thrusts would hit a slightly different point inside him. he was fully hard again now, could feel it aching against his stomach.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white battered into him from above, and he made a choked noise that made freddy release the breath he was holding. he tried opening his legs even wider, which they didn’t feel like they could do, his thighs aching.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white leaned over, one hand hooking around his lower back and the other to lean on, right next to freddys head. he didn’t open his eyes, couldn’t see him, but he knew his face was close, could feel him panting against his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“‘s good. it’s so good” freddy said in a pitched, restrained voice. white didn’t reply, just grunted and pulled him closer by the lower back, and freddy flailed his legs around blindly until he found white’s shoulders to hook them over.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">the new angle felt a lot deeper, and white leaned back to kneel up straight again, his thrusts getting less regular and more desperate. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah” was all he said as he came, the iron grip he had on freddy's hip definitely leaving a bruise. he put his hand on freddy's dick as he was still shaking with his orgasm.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">the strange feeling of white spilling into him, still thrusting, with a rough hand on his cock made freddy feel the promise of cumming dig deep into his stomach. he got close, his whole body stretching as wide as it could, bracing himself for it as white stroked him.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">when he came, it felt like whatever had been bothering him for the past month was ripped off his back, feeling raw and empty as it left him. his cum hit his chest and his back arched, pulling at the headboard, before he slumped back down. he knew he had shouted out a string of obscenities, but he didn’t hear what.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">seconds, but maybe days, weeks, months later, he started breathing again. he could feel everything now; the ache in his legs, ass, back, arms, wrists, he could feel his cum going cold on his chest, and some between his legs, and he could feel white, who hadn’t fully pulled out yet, his hands still on his hips but less crushing.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“am i allowed to open my eyes yet?” and white laughed.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“yeah, sure”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he slowly opened them, one at a time, adjusting to the light, then focussing on white’s face. he was smiling, still panting and his hair kinda fucked up. freddy smiled back, and his cheeks hurt from it. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white took a sticky hand off his hip and dragged a finger through the mess on freddy’s chest, drawing a distinct “L”, before sucking it off his finger. freddy gulped cartoonishly. he clinked the cuffs.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“these are killin’ me, man” and white leaned to the nightstand, pulling out as he did, making freddy wince a little. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he unlocked them and freddy instantly pulled his arms down, gasping now that his chest could fully expand. white pulled them off his wrists, pushing them off the edge of the bed before wrapping his hands around the red dents in his wrists, the contact making them both sting and soothe.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you shoulda told me they hurt” he said gently, rubbing his thumbs over his wrists.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy didn’t say anything. if he had said it had hurt, white would have stopped, which was the opposite of what he had wanted. he paused for a moment, watching white’s thumbs. they stayed like for a few minutes, catching their breaths.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“can we shower?” he said simply, blinking slowly. white mumbled something similar to ‘good idea’ and climbed off the bed, stretching his back. freddy swung his legs off the side, wincing at the movement. white saw and hooked an arm around his back, pulling him upwards and making freddy laugh a surprised little gasp.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">after they cleaned up in the hot shower, freddy crossed his arms and leant his forehead against white’s shoulder, breathing in the steam and the smell of soap with white’s hand between his shoulder blades.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you okay? you’re real quiet”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy wasn’t sure he wanted to say that he felt the best he had in a month, that that was the best sex with the best guy ever, that he was having the best shower of his life. he yawned and turned his head into white’s neck. “i’m okay. i’m good”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white ducked his head and kissed his shoulder, dragging his teeth over the skin before biting.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy's heart jumped in his chest. “you gonna eat me, big bad wolf?” he muttered into his neck.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">white laughed “i might have to” and they stood like that for a few moments under the hot spray. freddy’s eyelids grew heavy and it felt like the steam had gotten into his brain. he could have fallen asleep right there. white probably would have just held him up and let him sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“you know what goes great with orange?” white said after a while, kissing his shoulder again.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“what?” freddy grinned against his skin.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“chocolate. i got you some M&amp;Ms but you ambushed me at the door before i could give ‘em to you”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">freddy looked up at white with his eyebrows drawn together. he thought about it for a moment and decided that he didn’t mind being treated like this at all, he would deal with the guilt when it came. he reached behind white and turned the shower off.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“that sounds good”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi please comment on what you like/don’t like! i haven’t read much of the work for this pairing so idk if this has been done before, so apologies if there are loads like this. please share if you can :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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